In Honor of My Grandmother

I can’t place a first memory of my Grandma but I know that she always had a smile, a hug and a kind word.

She bore 8 children, one died as an infant, Raymond, and one, Hazel, died a mature lady of cancer just a few years before Grandma died.

Grandma’s life was hard and tedious with many trials, yet she never complained of unfairness. She had a quiet faith in God and his love. No matter what life could hand her, she handled life with patience and love. Early memories of her were in her home, where I felt like a guest of honor. A box of toys for her grandchildren sat ready in the corner. She loved crafts, parties, wrestling, her children and her grandchildren unconditionally.

As I grew up I found a true friend and confident in Grandma. Her wisdom and counsel stemmed from her simple faith.

My Grandmother Elsie taught me many things. Once when I was about 12 she and I were out eating at a restaurant. I said, wow that lady is so pretty. She said, tell her that. I argued with her, I was twelve and knew everything. The lady already had heard that many times. It would be rude for me to talk to her. She didn’t care what I said. Grandma told me then that a compliment not said is no compliment. Shyly I went to her table, just knowing she would yell at me. I stood there, shaking, and told her that I thought she was very pretty. The lady hugged me and cried. I hadn’t expected that. I was surprised. This beautiful lady had decided that no one ever saw her, she was depressed. Had I kept my compliment to myself, I would have never seen such an instant response to words said in kindness.

Grandma also taught me to be gracious when receiving a gift. On my birthday, toward the end of Grandma’s life she gave me money. Now I didn’t need the money. She did though, so I tried to not take the gift. She told me that she had been saving up for this moment, and I was not to ruin it with my pride. She asked me to let her have the dignity to give what she knew she could give. She told me she needed the blessing that came from giving and asked that I would not be a part in withholding the blessing from her. She asked me always to remember that when we are receiving a gift, our attitude in acceptance was a gift itself.

The first time that I saw her courage and understood that it was courage that I was observing was when Grandpa had died after a lingering illness.
At his memorial service Grandma was suffering so intensely, but even in her pain she worried about the family. Family was so important to her. She didn’t ever say that. Her actions, her unconditional love, her concern about her family showed how important family was to her.

After Grandpa died, I started visiting Grandma regularly. Of all my family, when I became pregnant with my daughter, Grandma never judged and she continued to love. We would go shopping. I’d drive her to the stores, and then she would take me for lunch at the King’s Table. She’d talked about family, always the good things, and plans she had. She loved Grandpa and always shared the good memories of him. I knew from my mother that there were many sad memories and hard times, but Grandma only told me of the love that she had for Grandpa, her children and her grandchildren.

Grandma loved wrestling. Every Saturday night at 8:30 she would be in front of her TV. She would be watching wrestling. She really got excited and enjoyed the show.
On her 83rd birthday I took her to the arena to see the midget wrestlers. She yelled and screamed, quite softly and then smiled. One time she met Johnny War Eagle. She shook his hand, and then smiled. She had been honored to meet this man. She smiled for a long time.

I remember Grandma working at her crafts. She decided what she was giving her own children and grandchildren for Christmas. Then she went to work. She would make pillows and dollies and Afghans and hooked rugs for everyone. After Grandpa died Grandma finances were sharply cut. Her projects slowed. As her health deteriorated the projects stopped. It was then our turn to make her Christmas and other holidays special. One of the families would get a tree, and then we all would share our decorations with her.

Even after her radical mastectomy, one of the many surgeries that she endured in her life, Grandma had a cheerful face and a quiet happy spirit. She was a true example of enduring to the end. I never heard Grandma murmur about living so long or being in such poor health.

Shortly after her mastectomy I gave her a pink frilly nightgown and robe. My mother was horrified, what was I thinking giving a lady of Grandma’s age something as frivolous as that. It made perfect sense to me to give this gift. My grandma was always a queen in my mind, and this is what I thought a queen should wear. Grandma loved the gift and wore it often, she actually wore it out. She told me in confidence that it made her feel like the queen I believed she was.

When I was recuperating from a serious illness that left me unable to speak, Grandma would call me on the phone everyday and make me talk to her for an hour. She could not have understood anything that I was trying to say, but she understood how important it was that I continued to work on learning to talk again.
Grandma never let me despair or give up. She would often say:

Do your best
Leave the rest
It’ll come right
Some day or night.

I loved Grandma dearly and hold her sweet loving spirit close to me. She taught me many things, and many times when I feel like giving up, I hear her once again urging me to do my best.

Grandma died in a nursing home. She had suffered some kind of trauma and wasn’t able to speak, but she did try to speak to me when I went to say good bye. I didn’t understand what she said with my ears, but I knew with my heart that even in her pain and suffering she was trying to comfort me. The nurses told me she had not tried to speak to anyone, but she knew I would understand her since she had listen to me relearn the art of speech.

This grand lady taught me much about love of life and family. She was a queen up to the end of her life. I loved her so much and am looking forward to the day that we meet again. But I would never stop living life to the fullest here and now. She wouldn’t like that.

The Universe gave me a sense of belonging, to having a claim to greatness through my grandmother.